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Imagine the warm cuddly feeling of slipping on a new necklace, as opposed to the biting chill of the cold March winds blowing up the Grand Canyon while your pants are hanging low! When you are wearing a fine piece of jewelry, you can be confident that people will admire your exceptional taste. Would the reaction be the same while gazing upon someone’s pants halfway down their buttocks, at best revealing their boxer shorts and at worst showing the moon shining over Miami?
It has become stylish to wear one’s belt at thigh level and boxer shorts out for all the world to marvel at and admire. (“My Gertrude, what a fetching pattern!”) Do these people actually think an employer wants to explain 40 times a day to his customers why the cashier’s rump is so proudly exposed? (“He’s expressing himself. Isn’t he creative?”)
I have had both experiences myself. I have known the luxurious feeling of donning an exquisite set of earrings with matching necklace and knowing that I was appropriately attired for my chosen endeavor. I have also witnessed the latter. I remember attending the movie version of the popular musical, Les Miserable. At the end of the movie, a man sitting next to me stood up to stretch and I came face-to-cheek with his poor fashion sense. I remember thinking “I wonder if he’d notice this piece of popcorn?”, but I digress.
Of course, there is also the added problem of explaining mosquito bites, bee stings and even sunburns when your bum is exposed for all to see. (“Doc, I can’t for the life of me figure out how that got there!”) Comments among passerby range from “Gosh Mom, do you think this cool dude might be feeling a draft?” to “My Granny, isn’t that a glorious view?” to “Now children, be sure to take notes on this dapper fellows’ fine taste in haberdashery!”.
When you are fashionably adorned with quality jewelry, you can hold your head up high, knowing that you command respect from all with whom you come in contact. Your character is considered above reproach! On the other hand, prepare to put your hands in the air and spread ’em if you enter a department store with baggy pants and linger for any amount of time.
Consider the safety issues involved. Even with stiletto heels on, a well dressed and accessorized woman can exit a burning building faster than a person waddling along with their waistband around their thighs. And look great doing it!
When the occasion arises that you have to beat feet to save your over-exposed backside, you are in big trouble! You won’t get ten paces before you trip over your own baggy pants. There you are on the ground when a 300 pound man stampedes over you to save himself. (“What was that I just stepped in?”) If you still choose to reveal the mysteries of your Haines or BVDs, just consider this: when you hear someone say “What an ass!”, it may not be the compliment you might think it is!
The next time you want to impress someone, choose jewelry. It will never let you down. With the myriad styles and materials, there is sure to be something to go with whatever outfit you are looking to accessorize, even, (gulp), baggy pants. Then be prepared for the compliments and envious stares and as long as it’s your jewelry, you can’t be arrested for exposing it; I mean wearing it.